Idiot's Luck
by Lunar Popsicle
Summary: It's Christmas in July in the world of Xenosaga! Will Jr. become a big commercial star, or have his hopes crushed? And will MOMO be able to buy the perfect present? Hopefully, for poor Ziggy's sake!


A/N It's kindaChristmasy, because I felt like writing a a kinda Christmasy story. Even though it's the middle of July in the Xenosaga world. XD

Disclaimer: I don't own Xenosaga. It's as simple as that.

Jr. skipped down the hall, humming a tune, prepping for his big day. He skipped around the corner and ran straight into KOS-MOS.

"KOS-MOS? What're you doing here?"

"It seems I needed a Pepsi-Cola, and the highest probability of me achieving this is me walking to the vending machine instead of waiting for it to come to me."

"Riiiiiiiiiight." Jr. said as he stared at her strangely.

Ignoring him, KOS-MOS walked stiffly over to the Pepsi-Cola machine and deposited her money.

CHA-CHING!

The can popped out and rolled and bounced on the floor. KOS-MOS, not knowing any better, bent to pick up the can and opened it….and got a spray of soda right in the face.

Jr. snickered.

KOS-MOS turned to glare at Jr.

"It's suggested that you stop snickering immediately or face dire consequences."

Jr. burst into full laughter and started rolling around on the floor and pounding it. KOS-MOS continued to glare, dripping wet, and then picked Jr. up by the scruff of the neck and proceeded to try to shove him into the vending machine.

"HELP! She went crazy! Somebody help me! AAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"KOS-MOS, what're you doing?" a new voice asked from down the hall.

"AHH! Chaos HELP ME! HELP MEEE!"

chaos ran up and then kinda stared blankly for a moment.

"KOS-MOS, why're you trying to shove Jr. in the Pepsi-Cola machine?"

KOS-MOS turned her glare on chaos.

"You wanna join him?" she asked threateningly.

Chaos stared at the ground.

"Oh, umm…I have to go help Hammer with the navigation, he's kinda slow you know."

Chaos then walked quickly away as Jr. screamed in protest as KOS-MOS continued her rampage.

"STOPPIT! YOU'RE MESSING UP MY HAIR! I HAFTA SHOOT A COMMERCIAL IN FIVE MINUTES!"

KOS-MOS grinned evilly at this. She then let Jr. go and put in money for another Pepsi. It came out and clunked to the floor like before, after bonking Jr. on the head. Then KOS-MOS picked it up, the evil grin still on her face. She then came right up to Jr. and held the can high over his head, Jr. was trying to fix his hair, so he didn't notice until it was too late.

FWSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!

The Pepsi exploded over Jr.'s head and got him soaking wet.

"MY HAIR! YOU MESSED UP MY HAIR AFTER I JUST FIXED IT! You're going to **DIE** for this!"

Jr. started punching KOS-MOS, or trying to punch KOS-MOS , and she just stood there, a huge smirk on her face.

"You'll be late for your commercial if you continue with such actions, it is my suggestion you wash yourself and then head to your commercial set." KOS-MOS said as she held him at arm's length.

Jr. stopped and then stood there panting.

"I'll get you back, you better watch you back KOS-MOS, I knew you were evil the second I saw you but no one ever listens to me." Jr. muttered.

Just then Hammer walked up.

"Hammer? I thought you were navigating and chaos had to help you and…" said Jr., suddenly his head shot up.

"chaos! Where is he?" asked Jr.

"I dunno, I haven't seen him all day." Answered Hammer.

"Helping navigate huh?" growled Jr.

He then stomped off to his room to get ready.

"What's eating him?" Hammer asked.

"It seems he had a problem with the vending machine." Said KOS-MOS in her usual dry voice.

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Meanwhile…

Shion and Allen were fighting, Allen was losing pathetically, Captain Matthews was roaring about morons, MOMO was chirping about flowers and charm bracelets and of course Jr., Ziggy was staring off into space. It was another normal day on the Elsa.

"Allen, you are NOT going to sleep in my room tonight because you think there's monsters in you closet!"

"But Chieeeeeef! They threaten my health! They say they'll eat my dog!"

"You don't have a dog!"

"They'd eat it if I DID have one!"

"Well you can throw yourself in front of your imaginary dog to save it and be a noble hero, I don't care! You're STILL not sleeping in my room tonight!"

"But Chief!"

"NO!"

Allen sighed, another great plan foiled.

Captain Matthews started yelling at Ziggy and calling him a useless moron. Ziggy s-l-o-w-l-y turned his head around to stare at Matthews.

"Are you talking to me?"

"Oh, umm….well no."

Captain Matthews turned back around and started yelling at Tony. "Tony! Ya moron! Get me some apple juice!"

"Apple Juice?"

"I mean…ORANGE juice."

"ORANGE juice?"

"Shuddap, just gimme a beer."

"As you wish, oh glorious Captain of infinite debt." Said Tony mockingly as he bowed out of the room. A little bit later you could hear him laughing down the hall.

"Apple juice! Hahahahahaha! That's great!"

MOMO continued chirping.

"I didn't know Allen had an imaginary dog, I mean isn't that like a imaginary friend or something? I wonder if it's cute? Could it be a beagle? I heard there was a sale on real dogs at the Foundation. Maybe we could check it out later! Ooh, I hope we do because then we can go shopping and I saw this great charm bracelet there last time we went and it's close to Jr.'s birthday and all—"

Ziggy quickly intervened before she killed herself from lack of oxygen.

"Isn't Jr.'s birthday in seven months?"

"You've gotta shop early if you want to beat the rush you know! And it might be sold out by tehn if we don't get it now!"

"MOMO, I highly doubt it but—"

"But what?"

Ziggy sighed, then shook his head.

"Fine, get him a present."

Ziggy then sat at the table with his arms crossed and his face clouding over.

"Alright! This is great!"

MOMO celebrated by jumping across the tables, but only succeeded in breaking one of them in half, much to the displeasure of the bartender robot.

MOMO sprang up and started brushing table fragments off.

"I'm ALL-RIGHT!"

Everybody blinked, then went back to what they were doing.

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"Where is he? Little Master's not going to be IN the commercial if he doesn't get here soon!" shouted the director at random people.

"Nobody knows! The last time someone saw him he was being stuffed into a vending machine by that psycho android!" said a stagehand.

"Stuffed into a vending machine? What kind of idiot would let himself be stuffed into a vending machine?"

"What was that?" said Jr. as he suddenly appeared.

"Nothing. –cough- Are we shooting this commercial or not?"

Jr. stared at him a moment longer, then went to the set. He jumped on a stool in the middle of it.

"Okay!" he said as he got in position on the stool.

Jr. opened his mouth and sang…well…ok you could say. Maybe.

This is a jingle,

For a random commercial,

For a super great product,

That'll improve your outlook,

With just one use!

It makes you feel good,

Smell the way you should,

Your friends smile.

Let you run a hundred miles,

With just ONE use!

Aaaaaaaaand….OMG 'TIS SHINY TOO!

The commercial then cut to the product spinning in circles with colored starbursts in the background. The announcer told everyone about how it was made and the side effects and everything else usually in a commercial.

Jr. jumped off the stool and walked up to the director.

"Okay, so where's my money?"

The director just stared at a piece of fuzz, zoning out.

"I said…WHERE'S MY MONEY?!" yelled Jr. at the top of his lungs.

The director jumped and started looking around, blinking.

"Hmm? What? Huh? Oh…umm…Little Master, this was for charity, remember?

"Charity? …I got shoved into a friggin' vending machine and got my hair messed up for CHAIRTY?!"

The director looked at the ground, mumbling.

"Hmm…that could actually bring better profits then the commercial if we showed that on pay per view..."

Jr. just glared at him, then stomped off. After shoving the director in a nearby vending machine.

(In case your wondering they showed the director being stuffed into the vending machine on pay per view and made a huge profit along with the commercial.)

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On the Foundation…

MOMO and Ziggy were wandering around looking in shops for the supposed dog sale.

"MOMO there's not even a pet shop here, why would a random store suddenly decide to start selling dogs?"

"That's because everyone's in the Christmas spirit!"

"…MOMO, It's July."

"NONSENSE!"

Ziggy blinked. Some random person had just screamed at him. He turned just in time to see chaos.

"It doesn't have to be Christmas for people to be in the Christmas spirit!"

Ziggy sighed.

"I'm surrounded by idiots."

MOMO looked up at him with big sparkly eyes.

"Ziggy, what's an idiot?"

"Umm….a wonderful person."

MOMO smiled and then walked up to an innocent shopper.

"YOU'RE an idiot!" shouted MOMO cheerfully as she pointed at the poor shopper.

Ziggy slapped himself. When he looked up, MOMO was gone.

"Oh my God, she's like those retarded friggin' puppies she's so obsessed with. Except I don't think she uses a newspaper"

He looked around and didn't see her anywhere. He sighed again and then headed back to the Elsa.

"All dogs find there was back right? Even though it's just by idiot's luck. Oh well, I'm gonna just go back to the Elsa and relax until she comes back."

As Ziggy disappeared into the sunset, (think cowboy style) chaos was surprised to be snatched and stuffed into a sack.

Albedo laughed his evil laugh and walked off in the other direction, looking vaguely like Santa Clause with his sack over shoulder.

A/N Sorry if I spelled Santa Clause wrong. And sorry for the weird jingle, my friend made it up and insisted I put it in there. Well, please R&R. The next chapter might take a long time, I need a great prank to play on KOS-MOS. Jr. must have his revenge! If you have any suggestions mail me at .


End file.
